What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
