drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
