If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
