i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
