It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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