Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
