my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
