we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
