What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
