My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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