Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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