corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
