You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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