pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
