i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
