Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
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