Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
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If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
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Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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