Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
