Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I wish you could order shots online.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
