I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
