God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
