i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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