I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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