i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Randomize
