we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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