i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
