4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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