So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
