i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
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