can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
