Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The beer is more important than you right now.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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