You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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