If i come over, it means nothing
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
