thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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