Well apparently he's into motor boating.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
