Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
