why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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