Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
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Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
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the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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