i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
