Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
