There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Pants are for mortals
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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