i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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