I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
