also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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