OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
This toilet bowl is my home.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
