Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
