He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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