omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I would ride that face into the sunset
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
