how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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