Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
