you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
