Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
