official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
