you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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