For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
