the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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