Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
