Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
