I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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