it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
