I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
