If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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