What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
