I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
