I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
