i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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