This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
