I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
