so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So gin and wine won't be happening again
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
