dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
