I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
