Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
