Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
