I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
