Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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