And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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