Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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