Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
