Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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