Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
40s are totally the cure
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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