there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Randomize
