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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
