Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
