Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
