How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Randomize
