Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I am available for nakedness
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
