i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
