Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No subtext here. People are naked.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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